Does My Sister Have to Be My Maid of Honor?

Weddings are rife with old-school traditions, from having large wedding parties to choosing a close sister to serve as a maid of honor. While many couples still follow these rules, others are deciding to break from the norm. Selecting the members of a wedding party may be a no-brainer for some nearlyweds, but others may wonder if they could ask their sister, “Will you be my maid of honor?”

As wedding planner Darryl Moore of D’Concierge Weddings says, “There's no hard and fast rule that says your sister must be your maid or matron of honor.” Things can certainly get tricky if you have more than one sister as well. Since marriage is the bonding of two families, there are compelling reasons to keep it all in the family, but it’s not all about symbolism and celebrating a sisterly bond. Keep in mind that traditionally, the maid of honor is in charge of planning events like the bachelorette party and helping with other planning duties. Whoever takes on this role should be willing and able to take on those responsibilities.

“I truly believe that your wedding party should be decided based on your authentic true relationships with those people and not their technical or familial role in your life.” says Krystal Gardenia of Gardenia Weddings. “You should have your sister as your maid or matron of honor because they are your best friend and the true person you want as your number one on your wedding day—not because you feel you have to simply because they're your sibling.” She adds that she has seen more and more couples do away with maid of honor or best man labels. “I would urge couples to consider this if they are struggling with deciding who should have these titles, especially if siblings are involved,” she says.

Still not sure of your wedding party selection? We asked an etiquette expert and wedding planners for their advice on the pros and cons of choosing your sister as your maid of honor.

Why You Should Make Your Sister Your Maid of Honor 

While Moore stresses that the decision is totally up to the couple, he does find value in the age-old tradition of making your sister your maid of honor. “I believe it is crucial for every bride to appreciate the tradition of designating a sister as the maid or matron of honor. These customs are beautiful and add a sense of continuity and familial connection to the wedding ceremony,” he says. 

The most obvious reason to make your sister your MOH would be because you have a close relationship and you want them next to you through the planning process right up to the big day as you say “I do.” For wedding etiquette expert Mariah Grumet, choosing your sister for the maid of honor position can be a way to not only respect the relationship between two siblings, but the family as a whole. In a traditional wedding ceremony, the parents play a big role, so it would seem natural that siblings would receive a special honor as well.

Speaking of siblings, what happens if you have more than one sister? Grumet suggests having more than one maid of honor and designating different duties to each one rather than choosing one sister over the others. She adds, “Of course, it depends on everyone's individual family situation.” An alternative would be to choose your best friend as a MOH and have your sisters as bridesmaids. However, you can give them a special honor like different dresses or the opportunity to give a speech. “A sister can also play a significant role as a bridesmaid, or even as a special guest in the front row alongside the parents, making her presence felt without bearing the responsibilities of the maid or matron of honor,” adds Moore.

Why You Should Not Make Your Sister Your Maid of Honor

Aside from not wanting to choose among sisters, there are many reasons a nearlywed may choose someone over their sister to be maid of honor. The most obvious reason would be they do not have a good relationship with a sister. Family dynamics are complicated and sometimes siblings don’t get along or become estranged.

“I honestly cringe when I hear very vocal family members force couples to include siblings on their special day. As we journey through life, especially as we venture into adulthood and forge our paths, brides often develop profound 'sisterly' bonds with friends who become an integral part of their lives. In some cases, these relationships may be just as strong, if not stronger, than your biological connections,” says Moore. “If a bride has such a relationship, it might be more meaningful to her to have that person as her maid or matron of honor.” 

It also may not be the right time for your sister to be MOH and they might not even want the role at all. While your planning your wedding is probably the biggest event in your life, it’s important to keep in mind what other people have going on. If your sister is going through a stressful or busy time in her personal or work life, tacking on MOH duties may not be the best idea for either of you. Both Grumet and Moore stress that if you don’t make your sister your maid of honor but you do have a good relationship with her, find some way to make her a guest of honor at the wedding. Out of respect, if you choose not to make your sister your MOH, let her hear it from you before anyone else.

“In these instances, I would recommend talking to the sister and expressing that although you love them, you think it would be best for them to enjoy the day as a guest without the demands of being in the wedding party or acting as a maid or matron of honor," advises Gardenia. "Make it clear that you are thinking of their best interest and you just want them to focus on having fun and you don't want the role to take away from that. This will allow for more understanding and less hurt feelings."

When it comes to a sister-in-law, Grumet says there is no obligation there. However, you may consider having her in your bridal party if you have a close relationship or if it’s important to your partner. “I think people get too hung up on gender,” adds Gardenia. “Unless the bride is especially close to the groom's sister and genuinely wants her on her side, I think there is nothing wrong with the groom's sister and other siblings remaining within the groom's wedding party.”

All experts agree that no matter what reason you have for making or not making your sister your MOH, let it be a personal choice. Moore shares, “At the end of the day, a wedding is about celebrating love and unity. Every bride should feel empowered to design their special day in the way that feels most genuine and joyful to them without undue pressure from societal or familial expectations."