How to Tell Guests That You're Not Having Kids at Your Wedding

Creating the guest list for your wedding is no easy feat. While the intention is almost never to leave anyone out, inviting everyone you know and love isn't always practical or feasible. Whether your venue has certain capacity limits or you’re hoping to lower costs, some couples choose not to invite kids to their nuptials and instead opt for an adults-only reception. Even if your venue or budget aren’t requiring you to make cuts, having a no-kids event is often appealing to those who want to encourage their loved ones to let loose on the dance floor—without having to look after their children.

If you’re thinking about hosting a kids-free affair, you might be worried that your request will offend your guests. While most of your friends and family will understand and respect your wishes, there are polite and effective ways to formulate your ask to avoid ruffling anyone’s feathers. And if some members of your crew do express any disappointment? There are ways to handle their reaction in a gracious manner, too. 

Wondering how to tell your guests that you aren’t inviting children to your nuptials? We talked to a handful of planners, who shared their best tips, advice, and examples of wording to communicate your request in an etiquette-approved way.

Ahead, how to say “no kids” at your wedding.

Is a No-Kids Wedding Right for You?

While children often add a “cuteness factor” to weddings, says planner Jessica Sloane, including them in the festivities isn’t a fit for everyone. While the most obvious reason to host an adults-only wedding is that you don’t love kids or you don’t have any little ones in the family, there are a number of other more nuanced factors that can affect your decision. If you’re planning your big day on a budget, for instance, removing children from your guest list will help decrease the total bill. “Kids add to the guest count, ultimately leading to more tables, rentals, florals, meals, etc., which adds to the cost,” planner Taryn Blake of Taryn Blake Events says. Likewise, the venue that you’ve booked might only be able to accommodate a certain headcount, which makes removing children from your guest list a probable solution. Or maybe you’re getting married at an adults-only property, which provides a legitimate reason as to why children won’t be able to attend.

Some other reasons for throwing a no-kids wedding are more about the ambience of your event. Maybe you’re hoping to host a fun night out, where you and your favorite people can enjoy themselves without being responsible for any minors. “Some couples like the vibe of a kids-free dance floor, as the kids can often break up the flow of dancing,” Blake mentions. Younger children, especially babies and toddlers, can also potentially interfere with the celebration by screaming or crying, according to planners Summer Newman and Stephanie Ko of Summer Newman Events. Plus, Blake notes that these age groups are more difficult to keep quiet during certain aspects of the event that require your full attention, such as speeches and the first dance.

How to Communicate a No-Kids Wedding

If you’ve determined that a kids-free event is the route you’re going to take, there are certain tips to keep in mind when communicating your wishes. Read on for expert-approved advice to make sure your request is direct, appropriate, and polite.

Make Your Request Early On

To avoid any confusion, it’s important to state your wishes from the get-go. Blake suggests adding a section to your wedding website, mentioning that you’re having a kids-free wedding, so friends and family can plan accordingly. She also recommends reiterating the request through your invitations. While you’ll address your invites to only the members of the household who are invited to your celebration, your guests will probably need a more straightforward indication that they’re kids won’t be able to join. For instance, Blake advises including a note at the bottom of your invitations or the RSVP card. 

Be as Clear as Possible

Since “kids” is a broad term, it’s important to specify the age group that won’t be attending your wedding. While some couples define “kids” as under 18, others refer to those who are younger than 21. Newman and Ko encourage you to clearly state the demographic on your wedding website and invitations.

Avoid Citing Personal Reasons

The last thing you want is for your guests to think that your no-kids wedding is personal. Singling a child out will only make the parent defensive and hurt. “Things like, ‘Your child is just too wild,’ may not be something you would want to say,” Newman and Ko note. Instead of listing reasons why a specific child isn’t welcome, make sure your wording is respectful and applies to the general population of your friends and family’s children.

Specify Your Plan for Wedding Party Members

If you’re having flower girls and/or ring bearers in your wedding, you’ll want to touch base with their parents about the best course of action to take after you say “I do.” In order to fulfill their duties as members of your wedding party, these children will need to attend your ceremony. However, if they aren’t invited to the reception, it’s essential that you explicitly mention this stipulation to their parents. Instead of asking the mother or father to figure out a solution, Newman and Ko suggest offering to pay for a babysitter to watch their children for the night.

Examples of Wording to Use

By keeping the above tips in mind, you’ll be able to craft a response that is civil and straightforward. If you’re still at a loss for what to say to your guests, we asked the experts to share examples of phrases to use on your wedding invitations and wedding website.

On the Wedding Invitation

Since the bulk of your wedding invitation relays information about the time and place of your event, you won’t have room for a long-winded explanation behind your decision to tie the knot sans kids. At the bottom of your invitation, a simple sentence, such as “Adults only” or “Adults-only reception” will suffice, according to Newman, Ko, and Blake.

On the Wedding Website

Your wedding website is where you can provide a more detailed statement about your choice to host a kids-free affair. If your wedding venue doesn’t allow children or there is a certain limit you can’t exceed, make a note of that online. Sloane suggests stating, “Due to the limited capacity of our venue, we are only able to extend an invitation to adult guests.”

For those who lack the funds to cover children or who simply aren’t interested in inviting little ones, there’s no need to provide an explanation. Newman and Ko recommend saying something along the lines of, “Though we’d love to see your children, we have decided to have an adults-only affair. We hope that with this notice, you will be able to make arrangements and attend our wedding.” You can even add a sense of humor. Blake recommends wording, like “We love your kids, but you deserve a night out! This wedding is for the adults only!"

Etiquette Tips for Handling Pushback

When you use polite and direct communication to alert your crew, most of your guests will be very understanding. However, if you do encounter some pushback, there are ways to deal with it in a non-dramatic way. Here’s what to do if you experience a negative response to your no-kids request.

If a Guest Declines Your Invitation

Not everyone will be able to attend your wedding, so if someone RSVPs “no” because their kids won’t be able to join, you don’t have to go out of your way to accommodate them. However, if one of your best friends or closest family members isn’t able to make the event due to the no-kids stipulation, Newman and Ko suggest making an exception or figuring out a compromise. For instance, you can hire a babysitter to watch their children in another room at the venue, or you can pay for a sitter to look after the kids at their home if it’s a local wedding. At destination nuptials, consider looking into babysitting services, like Windy, that are available in unfamiliar locations, according to Sloane.

If a Guest Asks for an Exception

Some guests might ask that you make an exception specifically for them. If that’s the case, Sloane encourages you to stick to the rule—even if it’s your own family member. To make attending your celebration more feasible for them, Blake suggests recommending a nanny or babysitting service at the venue or at home. 

If a Guest Takes Offense

Others might go as far as to voice their grievances to you. Hashing it out over the phone with the upset guest might help reassure them. If the conversation takes a turn or the future attendee isn’t able to consider your perspective, Newman and Ko advise leaning on your wedding planners for assistance. “We have dealt with most scenarios and can help guide you through sticky scenarios,” they say.