Wedding Thank-You Note Etiquette Every Couple Needs to Know

The wedding and honeymoon might be over, but you can't toss your to-do list just yet. Now that the celebrations have concluded, it's time to thank everyone who made your wedding so special, gave you and your new spouse a gift, or supported in you in some way leading up to or on the big day. The way you do this? By writing wedding thank-you notes, of course! While the task is often viewed as a chore, it's important to remember that this is your one chance to show your appreciation to all those who made this time so special.

"Thank-you notes are always appropriate, and they never go out of style," says etiquette expert Jacqueline Whitmore, and they're especially important if loved ones gave you and your new spouse a present to mark your big day. "It is proper etiquette to send out thank-you notes to let your family and friends know that you received the gift, you and your spouse appreciate the gift, and how you plan to use the gift." And even if someone didn't give you a gift, there's a very good chance a thank-you note is still appropriate and called for.

To help ensure you send a message of gratitude to everyone who deserves one (and that your message is appropriate for the occasion!), we put together a handy guide you can follow as you sit down before that stack of cards. Ahead, find all the wedding thank-you card etiquette you need to know.

Mail Thank-You Cards One to Three Months After the Wedding

In the spirit of tradition, wedding thank-you cards should be mailed in a timely manner, and the idea of mailing them within a year is a myth. A window of one to three months is more proper and provides ample time to ensure they are ordered, written, addressed, signed, sealed, and delivered without leaving the couple feeling overwhelmed. If you have quite a few to complete, don't go it alone or try to cram it all into one session. Break up the process into smaller tasks, and set goals for a certain amount to do each day. Don't forget to split the "work" with your partner, too!

Be Personal and Specific

As daunting as it may be, traditional etiquette stresses the importance of being specific and personal in your thank-you messages. Keeping in mind that your guests devoted their time (and often, money) to celebrate with you on your special day, it is recommended that you acknowledge their specific gift and presence when writing your notes. Be sure to keep a detailed record of all gifts received and who gave them. Whitmore suggests including not only a mention of the gift you received but also including how much you appreciate the gift and how you intend to use it for truly poignant thank-you cards.

For weddings with 150 guests or more, this can be very time-consuming, and more modern couples are opting for preprinted thank-you cards that are more general in nature. However, for smaller affairs like bridal showers or bachelorette parties, jotting down a personal note is much easier. Regardless of your decision, guests will be grateful to receive a thank-you message in the mail, but remember that a little personalization goes a long way. "The thank-you note does not have to be lengthy or elaborate," adds Whitmore. "But do personalize each note to each gift-giver."

Make Sure You Didn’t Miss Anyone

When it comes to thank-you-card recipients, make a list and check it twice. What may seem like a simple oversight to you, and while mail errors do happen, nobody wants a valued guest to feel slighted upon not receiving a thank-you message. By being organized and thorough, you can make certain you've done all you can to ensure that every person who should receive a thank-you note gets one.

Send Thank-You Cards to Anyone Who Gave a Gift

Anyone that gifted you a present for the upcoming nuptials should be at the top of your thank-you card list. This includes any guest who could not make it but sent a gift and anyone who was not invited but gave a gift. In the case of the former, be sure to include how much they were missed at the celebration. For the latter, stick to communicating your appreciation for their thoughtful gesture but refrain from mentioning the wedding or other related events that they were not invited to.

Send Thank-You Notes to Your Vendors

Who else should be on your list? Recipients should include any guest in attendance at your wedding as well as your wedding planner and all vendors. "All those who sent you a gift or contributed their time to make your event extra special should receive a thank-you card," says Whitmore. "It’s also nice to send the vendors a gift (musicians, florist, caterer, etc.)"